Parenting, and growing up

Our precious babies have grown into little children now, both really pre-schoolers in this moment, though not for much longer, as dear Big Little heads off to school next year - starting on 2/2/22 no less!

So I've been reflecting a lot on their little little years now past. As I always do, but extra much.

In the very beginning, the wonderment of building a whole person from scratch, inside me! And then birthing them into the world, and realising already that at every step of the parenting journey there is a grief of ever-growing distancing, alongside the ever-growing love.

When my babes were born I wrote them each a song. Big Little's was finished on the journey home from hospital. Somehow Little Little's remains unfinished still, 3 1/2 years later - the joy of being a second child, I suppose.

Then getting to know them, intimately, day by day, watching them grow, and change, and learn, and along the way teaching me so much too.

Loving every inch of them, both figurative inches, and literal.

Singing this love to them: Little cheeks - listen or download on Soundcloud

Learning to be with them, just as they are, and alongside that, learning to be with me, be with me as a person, grown from a babe, to a child, then to an adult, and now somehow grown to someone apparently grown up enough to be a parent. (Really?! How can I continue to feel so unprepared...?!)

I have written a "Top tips" sheet, which includes some of the learning I have found along the way, much of which I wish I had known from the start.

We never stop growing do we. Even when we stop growing literally up.

I've been grieving lately for not raising my children fully immersed in a village, surrounded by elders, aunties, uncles, and a clan of children with whom to roam, wild and free, guided always by the wisdom of a deep rooted culture, with connection and togetherness ever present.

These last years especially have brought home the sense of isolation and loneliness I have felt really much of the time these years of early motherhood. 

Our culture of separation, busyness, and work work work just for the sake of work, keeping us apart.

Our desire for freedom of movement keeping us from all just being where we are, with the people around us known intimately and ongoing.

It feels like we need to be remembering how to get along with everyone again. Not just the people just like us. Everyone.

Strangely somehow now I feel I have finally found more true and deep connection and community through the enforced separations of recent times. The focus on all the ways we can connect brought into centre vision.

So here we are.

There is much in the dominant culture in need of healing, mending, repair, reparation.

This is one part.

I imagine the possibilities for the world when my children are grown all the way up. If they might have the opportunity to have children of their own, if they might choose.

How will it be? How could it be?

Through the Window (by Little Little)

We shall see. And we will bring to it what we can, from where we begin, here and now.

And for me, that means continuing to grow on my journey of imperfect parenting. 

Definitely with an intention for healing; and growing connection; mending, repair and reparation where needed; and learning, always; while teaching, and guiding, best I can, my little ones on their way; and finding, and growing, our village, so they can learn all that I cannot teach them on my own.

And meanwhile, I will continue to wrap them in Rainbows (listen or download on Soundcloud).

Sunflower, sunshine, water and rainbow (by Big Little)

Weeding out space for seeds to grow into flowers and fruit trees (by me)