Introduction part 3 - Here and now - home, family, love

So it seems it turns out there is a third cycle of the story to introduce, so a little more further ado before I continue with the beginning seems in order after all…

So here I am, 5 or so years later, and after a period in my life that felt very interesting and extraordinary, my life now sometimes feels very normal, ordinary, even mundane sometimes, as I struggle to keep up with the day to day things to do. 

But really, it is actually very magical. 

Magical home sky

I am where I am right now because of the journey I have taken, all that I have experienced and learned along the way, and the choices I have made for myself. Choices to follow my heart, to be close to nature, to know spirit, and to live my soul truth. To follow my intuition and my instinct, to release what no longer serves as I go, to allow myself to receive whatever I need, to choose to be more of myself. More and more as I go, even if not every day, forward I move in my life as the time passes…

And so I find myself, here and now, exactly where I want to be, finding my way as I go, living, loving, learning; with my beautiful partner and our growing family, in our home that we love, working slowly but steadily towards the future of our extraordinary magical dreams. And hoping that maybe we can find some ways as we go, to make the world, at least just a little bit, a better place, for us having been part of it all…

It's funny really because it seems that while many of my life goals are quite different to the mainstream, perhaps some might even say in some cases quite radically so, it turns out that really I've actually always wanted first and foremost all the traditional things that are sort of what 'one does' - a partner, a family, a home…, but in many ways I perhaps didn't let myself believe or even know this, or let it be a possibility somehow… Not least because I feel there are many important decisions to be made regarding these things, and because these things are not entirely within one's control, but also because of the many mixed up complicated feelings and thoughts about these things that have been tangled up on my way through life, and indeed because of some of the other things that seem so important to focus on too, while these things do require attention and energy and commitment for their true fulfilment.

So it's been part of the journey to untangle all that, to allow it to really be just as simple as it is, at the heart of it. To find the things that really matter the most in life, to me. 

To find a partner with whom to grow, to learn, to communicate, to work, to commit, to connect, to love; to be our wonderfully imperfect selves to the fullest we can, while striving to improve ourselves as we go, and loving each other unconditionally and wholeheartedly despite, or perhaps because of, all the many flaws we still could do with ironing out… 

My beloved in a woolly mode

To find our home, our home where our hearts are. This stunning land that we live on and its beautiful nature surrounding us, immersing us, enclosing us in its embrace, our Halcyon Haven, as I call it, our sanctuary of golden days. And to love our home as it is right now and just enjoy it without always seeing the many things still to do. To enjoy being present on our land, and also the presence of others!

Koala

Wink!

One of the members of our local wren family

To birth one child, and have another on the way; to love those little beings with all our hearts and souls; every day seeing, hearing, feeling them grow and change into the wonderful creatures that they are, like an amazingly unexpected process of unfurlment and blooming. To be a mother and realise all that comes with that. All that comes with it in a general sense, expected and unexpected, learning as I go and trying, often failing, but always trying, to be just as perfect a mother as I always dreamed of being. And meanwhile even more amazingly and particularly, to be a mother to the individual unique beings that are my children, which is just such an incredible journey into the unknown and wondrous every single day. At one stage I found a goal I'd written back in 2006, to learn to cook from scratch. Now I'm working on life from scratch. A truly awesome thing to experience, and to observe, as it unfolds as it will, no matter (or perhaps even despite!) what I do. And also to feel the immense privilege, honour, and responsibility of being a parent, and just how truly it really is the most important job we can ever do in life.

We are lucky to have close and supportive extended family around us too. Families are never simple and all come with their ups and downs and complications, but we are lucky that we can manage so well with the help of ours and that we have so much love and support from so many near us, and also from family members further afield, due to the joys of technology keeping us connected as we can be. And our community of friends and other people around us too, again some nearer, some further, but all providing connection, company and joy, and also taking care of us, sharing resources for life, and advice and support in the harder times.

To know that the way we live is not yet quite how we would love it to be in our ideas and ideals, and that we have much work to do to set ourselves up for better, lighter, ways of living and to fulfil all of our creative potentials, but to allow it to take the time that it takes and not beat ourselves up in the mean time for not getting there yet while the tasks of daily family life fill our minutes and our hours so well; and instead just enjoy being where we are, right here and now, and appreciating how far we've come so far on our way.

To let all our dreams slowly come to fruition, though sometimes seemingly ever too slowly; bit by bit, one baby step at a time, moving towards our dreams and visions of the future, while living and loving each moment as we go.

So many wonderful, special, amazing things are happening all the time, as long as we can just remember to stop and notice them amidst the crazy non stop chaos that is life! So much to be cherished and treasured in every moment.

With sadness, another Dedication.

James Wade, 1979-2017 - "Creativity is a human necessity."

A few weeks ago, sadly, so very sadly, suddenly, unexpectedly, my dear cousin James passed away, into the world of Spirit. Shock, grief, deep sadness, the pain of loss followed. 

James was just 38, in the prime of his life, composing beautiful music played by orchestras and musicians around the world, almost finished his PhD in Music Composition, working on a documentary about the music of China. He lived a full full life, so much already done, and so much still to come, only just begun.

The last message I wrote to James, back in April, began, “Holly and I were talking about you on Friday. I miss you,” and I wrote that I hoped we could catch up soon finally, after having missed each others calls and just sending messages by text since I returned from Europe in October 2014. James was also in Europe that October, and we messaged on facebook, but he was in the UK, and I on the continent, so close, but so far, and I said that we’d see each other back home. But somehow, sadly, we never did...

My dear cousin Michael, James’ brother, through immense grief and pain, managed to organise a most amazingly beautiful and special celebration of James’ life and music last week on 6th July, and we who loved him shared stories and looked at photos and listened to beautiful, precious music composed by James. A recording by Melbourne Symphony Orchestra of his piece inspired by a 2500 kauri tree in New Zealand, “Te Matua Ngahere” - The Father of the Forest. A folk song sung by his friend Hannah, playing guitar in James’ place. Hannah and James had formed a folk duo, The Wayward, and wrote and recorded some songs. And four classical pieces composed by James - "Dream Collision," for piano and clarinet; "Crepuscular Rays," for solo violin; "Two Becomes One," for a duo of cellos; and "Let the Moon Light Her Night," for flute. The musicians introduced the pieces and spoke of James' unique compositional voice, and told stories of moments shared with James.

Standing with our shared dear old friends, I spoke of my memories of my times with James, and how I hope his inspiration will live on in us all...

"James – a man of many and varied characteristics, interests, thoughts, ideas and tastes in music. Embodying perhaps many contradictions over his life, sometimes at the same time – naïve and wise, messy and meticulous, systematic and random, highly focussed and vague, awkward and confident, goofy and poised, shy and professional, easy going and difficult, quirky and alternative and also somehow conservative, quiet and loud, serious and silly, private and capable of deep and intimate sharing and talking about the meaningful things in life.

Like many of us I suppose, he was in some ways like his mother, in some ways like his father, in some ways like his brother, in some ways like this friend or that, in some ways like me, his cousin, and in some ways not like any of us at all and only exactly just like him.

Messages and tributes with so many beautiful words have been coming in in the last weeks from his family, friends and associates around the world and it is really special to know how he touched the lives and hearts of so many. People have described how he was a good listener and supported them at tough times in their lives, how he played jokes on them, how he did funny random things, how he shared music in their lives. His presence and friendship meant something to each of them in many different ways.

As for me, having not seen a lot of each other in our childhoods, despite being born the same year and living in the same city, we managed to end up in the same place at the same time, both starting our post school years studying at Melbourne Uni. We crossed paths before the end of our 1st year and by 3rd year we were firm friends, meant to be. We hung out at least a couple of times a week, sometimes even every day, luckily finding each other at that time of life when there is a lot of time to spend with friends. Sometimes it was just us, sometimes Michael or my sister Katherine, who sends her love from Berlin, and sometimes we hung out with other friends, including our close little group of friends here, that came together in time, plus others that came and went from our lives. So I am privileged to have many memories of happy times with James to treasure.

Hanging out in my garage bedroom 

Classic James pose

Watching the Olympic torch pass with friends

Celebrating my birthday, with my sister, Mum, and an Irish cousin from the other side 

We shared many interests over the years and as well as hanging out at Uni, at Union House, on the South Lawn, in the Baillieu Library, and the nearby cafes and pubs, we visited each others’ houses and went to James and Michael’s family’s holiday house in Torquay and mucked around playing music and had a band of sorts, The Bandura Project, named after the psychologist Albert Bandura. James had a wild range of screeches through to wacky basses, adding his unique touch with his voice, as well as his guitar. We watched foreign and art house films; we went often to listen to jazz at Bennetts Lane and Manchester Lane; we did a little bit of swing dancing; and some yoga classes. We joined the Royal Melbourne Philharmonic Choir together and formed a tradition of pre-choir curry at the Classic Curry Company in Elizabeth Street, where we systematically worked our way through all the vegetarian options on the menu, ticking them off week by week and noting our favourites. We went to gigs and concerts, and for a drink at the pub. Once in our pauper student days we pooled all our money and scraped together enough to buy us a pot of beer to share, causing us to spontaneously invent the ‘one beer cheers’, so now I can cheers James any time I have a drink, his sip going high in the air. We played basketball together with our team of friends, naming our team the Dribbling Basketcases. I’m not sure that a high level of coordination was among our shared traits, though of course James had height on his side and perhaps better aim than me… Luckily we had some talented friends and our team did well in our little comp.

The Dribbling Basketcases

Later, after the Uni days were over, for me at least, I moved out of Melbourne to live in the country, and with James also coming and going to different places around the world, we saw less of each other, but in 2009 and 2010 I lived in a little old farm house called Killarney, in Eganstown, near Daylesford, and James, who had not long returned from studying in Canada, came to live with me there for that first summer. We hung out at the house, made coffee in James’ tiny perculator, and James read random articles from my Dad’s collection of old National Geographic magazines, and serenaded the cows next door, who were apparently Led Zeppelin fans, coming close to listen to Stairway to Heaven, but turning their backs and moooving on off when James started playing a Red Hot Chili Peppers song….

Killarney

Housewarming party

Housewarming dress ups - James embracing the character

Hanging out in the house, later that year

Always a man of ingenious solutions, James made a step in the bottom of a low hall doorway, to stop himself from bumping his head. We also hung a little woollen bell in the doorway in case he was looking up for a change. We padded the top of the doorway to his room with fleece. We hung out with friends and swam at Jubilee Lake, and we both got summer jobs harvesting lavender with old fashioned sickles at a nearby lavender farm. We went for walks and explored the many mineral springs of the area. James gave me a book with treasure map directions to secret springs undeveloped and when he visited again later on we continued going on fun adventures of discovery together, enjoying the beautiful natural surrounds of these hidden springs.

The bell remained, though the step became a tripping hazard and was removed… 

Cousin spring adventures

From the early Uni days we also shared an interest in philosophy, Western, and also Eastern. At different times we both later visited McLeod Ganj, Upper Dharamsala, the home of the Dalai Lama. I followed James’ suggestion and also stayed at the village of Bhagsu Nag, around the corner. James was lucky to have the opportunity to listen to a series of teachings by the Dalai Lama while he was there and he also listened to the Dalai Lama and other Buddhist monks in Australia along the way. For both of us the philosophy of Tibetan Buddhism in particular resonated, along with other Eastern philosophy. Another old friend Karen, described his very Buddhist trait of acceptance, his ability to not get phased when things didn’t always go perfectly his way. I was perhaps not always so skilled in this way, and at times was particularly infuriated by his resulting even-tempered conflict-avoiding responses in our cousinly spats, requiring gentle mediation from our friends.

We also once studied a subject Philosophy & Music together. James also managed to infuriate the lecturer of that subject, who asked, ‘What is music?’ ‘A teacup,’ was James’ answer. Perhaps she thought he was making a joke of the question. And in some way perhaps he was. But perhaps it was also about his ability to hear music in anything, just as he found music in nature and trees.

Music was always important to James and his tastes were wide and varied over the years, from 90’s heavy metal and grunge, to 60’s and 70’s rock, and folk, music from many other cultures, old and new jazz, classical and much in between. It was wonderful to see music become more and more present in his life as the years went on, in every possible way.

In those early days hanging out with James and our friends, I had a wall in my room we all wrote on, the Ideas Wall. James wrote on that wall “Creativity is a human necessity”. It has taken me many years and much experience to really truly understand the full depth and importance of that statement.

I am glad that he lived his necessity, and that as a result we have the beautiful outpourings of his creative soul to listen to in the form of his music and also to look at in the form of his photography, capturing the beauty he saw in the world.

He also wrote, above the door in that wall, “This is the door for angels passing.” A door for him to walk through now. The other day on my way to stay in Melbourne to meet up with family and our old friends, I saw many eagles, soaring in the sky above, and I could feel James’ pure spirit, feeling free and exhilarated, soaring too.

James always followed his passions and his dreams. He was dedicated and persisted and worked hard to make his dreams a reality. He is an example we can all follow, to make our dreams come true. And I hope we can all always make sure to have enough space in our lives for our creativity, our human necessity, and to remember our dear wonderful James."

Our friend Ben, speaking before me, ended by describing how he had come to learn so much more in the last weeks about James, and described him as a curious, complex character. This led me to spontaneously add in to the front of my speech, words that had been for some reason randomly running through my mind the last weeks:

"James, James, a curious fellow
That rhymes with yellow
And also cello."

I feel like that is like something James might say, and silly though it may have been, I'm glad it snuck its way into my speech, as an expression of random spontaneous creativity, wild and free. And, a reminder that as well as my writing, and other creative outlets I have ever so slowly been working on, one day I would like to finally fulfill a long held dream and spend some time playing the cello, as just one more part of living that human necessity of my creativity.

Thank you, dear James, for the reminder and the inspiration to follow my creative dreams, and bring them into reality.

Purpose

So I’m still getting stuck. I have work still to do, clearly.

But the writing is creating a commotion inside the blocks, trying to get out, and that is because it is part of my purpose, part of what my soul needs to do.

I question myself, why do I want to do this, why should I bother, especially when I seem to be finding it so difficult…??

The answer to that comes easily, and it is twofold.

For myself, I have the need to tell these stories, my own stories, and the stories I have come upon along my way. This sharing is good for me personally, just as I believe it is good for us all to share, our stories and whatever else we hold inside to share, rather than holding it in and being afraid to let it out, even just for the sake of release. For me also, the reflection that is part of the process of writing helps me to move forward, to process and integrate my experiences and my learnings. And I believe the expression of creativity in any form is always good for anyone’s soul.

But why share with others, why not just continue writing for myself, as I always do?

And there’s the crux of it. I believe, as many others do, that this is a time of great change, of transition, a time some might think of perhaps as a space between stories, between the old, and the new. This change is necessary. It is necessary for the future of humanity to hold stories of flourishing and growing and not destruction and suffering, and for the future of our whole planet as we know it.

There are many out there sharing new stories, and I have found inspiration from many of them along my way. I have learnt a lot about new ways to live, new ways to do things, new ways to think about things, new ways to interact with others and with my environment, new ways to be. And I think the more of these stories out there the better. Right now we may not have all the answers, but the more ideas we can contribute to the pool of possibilities, the better. So I want to share, share what it is that I have to share. I need to tell these stories. And defining the purpose is part of making it happen.

The stories I want to share are stories of different ways of living, different ways of existing within the chaos of existence that surrounds us, the mess of society, the disconnection between people and between humans and other species, between humans and nature. They are stories of creating new ways, ways of harmony and balance, within all that. They are also stories of personal growing and healing, which I believe is a crucial part of the change that needs to occur. For the future to be what we need it to be, we need our society to change. For society to change, each person within society needs to change. We need to live our truths, to live intentionally, and with integrity. We need to be authentic, and accountable, we need to understand that with freedom, comes responsibility.

We need to understand what matters and what doesn’t, and what we need to do to take care of all that matters. We need to take care of ourselves, because if we don’t, who else would! And we need to take care of each other, to the best of our abilities. We need to take care of nature, for the sake of its beautiful existence, and also because it is what sustains us in every way, nourishing our bodies, our minds, soothing our emotions and our souls. We need to take care of all beings in our world. And we need to take care of things and all the resources of the world. We need to be grateful for what we have and take only what we need, so that there is enough to share and that our existence doesn’t come at too high a cost to everything else.

Sometimes it’s so big it’s hard to know where to start. It’s hard not to be overwhelmed by the immensity of it all. It’s hard not to fall into despair and lose hope. But that’s part of the story too. That’s part of the getting stuck. That’s part of the work to be done.

The antidote to this despair, this fear, is connection. Connection to our inner most workings, and connections to all around us. We need to move to a more connected future, we need to do it together, and we all have our parts to play in this.

Wherever we find ourselves right now, we must move forward. If we are afraid, we must feel the fear, and do it anyway, as they say. We must give what we can, whatever we have to share.

Some time ago when I had a burst of energy towards sharing my stories I sought some help from some oracle cards, made by a friend, Sheena Cundy. And the cards I picked spoke of a message from beyond, a higher message that goes beyond me. And that at the centre of it all is service. And that helped me to clarify, once again, that the point of it all, the sharing of this writing, this story, is to share messages for healing and growth, harmony, balance, and love, always love, for people, for our Earth, and for all.

And so I will share my stories, with the aim of serving a higher purpose, in the hope that I might be able to help us move forward, one step at a time, from wherever we are.

Prelude 1 - Assemblage point

Edited 2 July 2015, Written 19 June 2014

So without any further ado, it is now time to go back to the beginning, in fact the beginning before the beginning… 

The beginning of the first cycle of this story, the cycle of the story of the journey into soul, the adventure story of travels and discoveries, is coming, coming soon… But first it seems seemly to begin, just a little before that, with a prelude to the story of the journey... It seems that this is the time, and the place, that this story really commences.

I was living, at this time, in a place, a place I loved very much for many reasons. In fact I loved it so much that I wrote a 2000 word group email to everyone I know and care about, all about how much I loved my life, the place I lived, how my life was going, what was happening, and lots of different things.

But little did I know, when I wrote this missive (which may reappear in this story perhaps along the way, even maybe shortly), that everything was about to change…

So at some point, in fact around this time, it came to my attention, via facebook (well of course) that there is this idea that can be called an assemblage point. This is a point around which is centred your energy, the centre, the soul of your being. And sometimes this point shifts.

This can have repercussions that reverberate through every aspect of your life. And sometimes it is not easy to release, to let go, and to allow what needs to happen to happen. But it cannot be resisted. What needs to happen needs to happen. Resistance is futile and in fact will only hold back growth… And the benefits of letting go, of going with it, are well worth it, I can tell you, even if it doesn't come easy at the time… Resistance will lead only to trouble, this I can also attest...

Oh. So. Excuse me while I have a moment of goosebumps, shivers and oh my god and goddess. Because having bookmarked this point in this writing written previously, with only a note to revisit this assemblage point concept that I came across all that time ago, which I had saved as a note on my computer at the time it first entered my life, I have just now opened that note to discover a momentousness of synchronicities. It turns out the author of this note about assemblage points was to enter the story in person, about 6 months into my journey, about 8 months after coming across this post, at a moment so crucial to everything that it's not funny. Wow. How about that.

And in completing my previous piece of writing, I scrounged out an envelope scrap on which I'd written about a moment of enjoying living a story, and just now a line I had noted on the other side which hadn't yet found its place popped into my attention, and indeed, this is the moment for it. "Twists, loops and threads, cross threads and webs to surprise me. Don't forget to extrapolate." (This last part still confuses me, but surely the meaning of this will become clear, so I will include it. There is a following word or two unintelligible in my scrawl and inaccessible right now in my memory, but I feel to just write what I wrote, to be returned to later, perhaps.)

And, so, on that note, here is that momentous text, that I first came across all those many months, and now getting close to almost multiple years ago, back in March 2013. All I can say is gosh. A really big gosh.

From the most amazing, wise and beautiful 

Tara Isis Gerris: Your assemblage point is your personal collection of the patterns that run your life. It has a position in your energetic field much like a point on a clock face. The position determines how your life manifests and unfolds. When a person really needs to change the position of their own assemblage point, sometimes they will create an event such as an accident or a fall to knock the point into a new position. Sometimes there is a world event like a major earthquake that knocks the assemblage point of the planet into a new position. A shift in the assemblage point always creates a time of feeling somewhat out of balance before the new position is anchored. There are many that are shifting or have shifted the position of their assemblage points to accommodate a new energy on the planet. This causes a time of transition that is unfamiliar as to what the new point is creating, and the instinctive center needs time to adjust. So be OK with feeling out of sorts and a bit ungrounded during this time. Some of you may have had a head start with being proactive with this transition and may actually be on the other end and ready to get on with a new sense of creativity and purpose. If you are one of these, be patient with the others that are still catching up. So how can you use this instinctive time of transition and re evaluation positively? Slow down. Take a day where you do nothing with the intention to hold an empty space for inner change allowing a new position for your assemblage point. Note any addiction you have to a full calendar or to do list. Do something in the first couple of weeks that expands you spiritually. Be around something that inspires you every day. Eliminate unimportant activities. Spend time going through accumulated possessions and get rid of anything that feels extra and not useful. Clean junk drawers. Do your laundry. Take care of simple physical needs. Use forgiveness daily as a powerful tool to keep things moving in the right direction. If you allow this time of instinctive re evaluation, you will create space for the higher emotional center to guide you more powerfully in whatever transition you have set up for yourself. It is also important to honor the new by starting something new or doing something new even if it is a small thing. The challenge to this time is that you could resist it and fall into a despairing sense of depression, scattered, unfocused, unmotivated, apathetic, and feeling really bad about yourself. Watch for self-deprecation, the obstacle of the year, as you may question your own value. © thepowerpath.com In love with love

Tara Isis Gerris is the founder of the Wild Woman Sisterhood. See https://www.facebook.com/WildWomanSisterhood or http://www.wildwomansisterhood.com

Introduction part 2 - The Writing Comes, How and When it Will, in a Form of its own Choosing, and this Time with an Illustration

Small amendments 6 July 2015 [], edited 10 January 2015, originally written 26 November 2014

Illustration - Across the Universe (bigger version below)

So if anyone's been paying attention to this story, they may have noticed that it seems to have lately somewhat stalled, before it has even begun… It's over 6 months since I last wrote [and 6 months again since I wrote this…], and I wanted to write regularly, and to share my story as it was happening, and that has not happened. In fact, if anyone paying attention to this story also knows me in reality, they may also know that, in reality, the story, though as yet unwritten for sharing, has in fact completed one full cycle, and come to an ending of sorts, despite the fact the story is yet to really begin in its storytold form… 

So it has been more than 6 months [and 6 months again] since I wrote part 1 of the Introduction to this story, and I was then unaware that it was a 2 part Introduction… So in fact, this aforementioned stalling appears to have been waiting just for that…

So in fact, while I have been watching the story continue to unfold, in its form of me living it, in reality, I have been surprised to discover, that in fact what is happening, is that the story is shaping itself into the form of its choosing. (Though I am also willing to admit there has potentially been an element of procrastination/fear/stuckness/doubt going on, but we'll ignore that element for the moment, since, in fact, that is just one other aspect of the story, and it will be dealt with in due course…)

So it seems, in fact, that what is happening, is that one cycle of the story, now completed, is aligning itself to begin as a story, as the next cycle begins to unfurl itself, in reality.

Interesting… Not what I expected…

I am not an experienced writer particularly, and I am not particularly confident in my writing at this moment, though the occasional positive feedback encourages me to continue anyway. I became somewhat discouraged along the way by some things that happened with regard to my involvement as a student in the education system (another story to be dealt with along the way), and had not historically developed much strength and whatever else it may be that is now helping me to counteract that discouragement and push me to go on and bloody do it anyway.

Which brings me again to consideration of the structure of this story, this first story I am writing, as a story, of substance from my soul. My previous writing experience has been more of the form of academic essays, mostly on philosophical topics, and in this writing I have always struggled with the linearity of the form, so contemplating the form freedom of a story structure is proving interesting… Perhaps I studied too much pure maths in my life, or perhaps in the past I smoked too much weed (more stories). Perhaps combining the two was a death sentence to the comprehensibility of some of my ramblings to many of the people in the world (though believe it or not it actually worked wonders for my exam result in one particularly fondly remembered maths subject, Real and Complex Analysis…). But right now, whatever the case may be, my brain is doing multi dimensional dances along spirals within spirals, circles within circles, above circles, below circles, around circles, within circles… Cycles repeating, evolving, looking down, through, up, over, within and without themselves in fractal form beyond any kind of translatable, demonstrable, transferable, communicable communication…

Across the Universe
For more about this illustration, follow this link or go to the drawings page

For one thing, one of the things it seems this story is about, is the writing of this story… Which seems a little like the form of a snake eating its tail, or perhaps a little like the old chicken and egg conundrum. Which came first, the seed or the tree, in the forest of creativity…? Or was it actually the forest…? Or…?

And it's about creative process in general. And the importance of that for us all. 

And it's about cycles of time, cycles of life, cycles of my life, cycles of this story…

And, let's not forget, it's also a little bit about magic, which has been one of the themes of this day, not forgetting it, that is. And because every story gains from having at least a little bit of magic, in my opinion anyway… 

And so we remember. Everything is possible.

So around a year and a half ago, more or less [and plus another half a year], I began a journey, which is now complete. And in the beginning of that journey I already knew that I wanted to make a story of that journey, and so my existence gained an extra dimension; while I lived my life, followed my path, travelled on my journey, I also watched it, as a story. 

There's a strange thing that happens when you're writing a story about the events of your life… It overlays a new kind of awareness on top of what's just happening. I like to hope that my awareness develops over time anyway, as I see much value in cultivating this, and I think about trying to do this, and attempt to put it into practice, but the awareness of writing your life as a story is a little bit different somehow regardless…

Writing life as a story, life as art, art as life, adds a dimension of poetry, aesthetic linguistic enhancement, embellishment, to noticed sensations or perceptions, experiences and events… One day after my return to my home country, on my way to my in between home at my mother's home, I reflected on this experience of living a story, and I felt such appreciation at the thought that the experienced poetry of a fragrant moment is deliciously amplified by the translation of sensations into accompanying varying possibilities of combinations of descriptive words. Enjoying the process of creating a story while living it.

Sometimes there's a feeling of detachment, as if I'm observing my life as a third party, and this can certainly be a useful skill in dealing with the everyday happenings of life some moments. But there's also sometimes the opposite, a feeling of a deeper immersion in what's happening, noticing what is going on and not just zoning out while the cogs keep turning. And greater attention leads sometimes to greater intention, which then further focusses attention, which then sometimes changes what happens… In some moments living life as a story adds a dimension of mystery, of anticipation, the kind of excitement that you feel when reading a great book and can't put it down because you want to know what's going to happen next… And sometimes it makes life more magical.

And I found that paying attention to this extra dimension of my existence added clarity to my life; it aided understanding, it aided growth, and it aided healing; it enhanced my experiences by my increased and focussed attention and reflection. And I immersed myself in the process of translating these experiences into language, adding vividness of colour and qualities previously unknown, as I found the words, the ways and means, to describe each significant moment. 

I took many notes and wrote about many experiences, thoughts and feelings along the way, for my future reference. And in writing, I reflected and absorbed the story into my soul. And I carried it with me in my heart, and also in my backpack. Always with me at least some section of the story; in its most personal form, written by hand, as I have written this in its first draft; on the back of once used paper, saved to be used again with no further energy input required than its transport in my backpack along with me; paper collected on my way in my travels, on my journey, marking the paths of my travels, through the tree of languages represented, and the topics included, on both sides of the pages, represented in different forms… Writing of the experiences of one place, on paper from another, tracing my footsteps and experiences, and looping connections and weaving threads through the story. And time to time I reread some part of the story, and reflected on my journey since, and the journey still to come, and through this process of returning to where I was before, more connections were formed between the evolving cycles of the story…

Meanwhile, I captured also many images with my camera, likewise focussing attention, changing my noticing, and also allowing revisiting, remembering, reminiscing… And I recorded video footage and sound bites of the sensations reaching my eyes and ears, the moments of existence that happened along the way, captured in some electronic form, for posterity, or at least until my storage fails… I drew pictures real and abstract, wrote poems and songs, I sang, played music, and I danced my story up to the stars and back down to the Earth, mirroring the expansion of my creativity as I journeyed on.

And I will share all this via technology, not without consideration for the impact that this takes. But I feel that it is important, and that it could be of value to someone other than myself, and that maybe it might even inspire others to share the stirrings of their souls too. And so I choose to share it.

But meanwhile, I've been procrastinating again… Because living life as a story is one thing, but sitting down to write it and share it is another… I love to write, I love the describing of what is happening, I love the telling of the stories and the sharing of stories, but there is also an excruciating painfulness that comes along with fear of being exposed, of creativity laid bare for judging, and for the story of my life to be examined… And then there's wondering if there's any point, if anyone is interested in reading what I might write about…

But then the other day, my Mum's neighbour, at the letterbox, asked me was I heading off to the country, to the setting of this new story, this new cycle in my life, to which I replied yes, as indeed I was. And it seems my Mum had been telling her a little about what's been going on in my life, because then she asked me, "Have you been writing about your experiences?" "Yes," I replied. "You should," she said, "it sounds very interesting." And really, I thought, I have been doing some very interesting things… Travelling around Europe for 17 months, taking a container ship on the way there, visiting so many interesting places and having so many adventures, never sure what was around the next bend, over the next mountain or across the next sea… 

And so, along the way, on my journey, I was waiting eagerly myself, to discover the much anticipated ending of the story. And meanwhile, I had a growing feeling that a subsequent story, a sequel, would then follow in the making, that I might write about once the first story was told...

And many times as I journeyed, I began the process of beginning to scribe the story, as a written story for telling and sharing, only to falter yet again, unsure of the structure and not yet ready perhaps to go right back, to one beginning, already chosen as the prelude to be told, before the beginning…

And as the last cycle of that journey was being undertaken, in the form of my 30-day-Eurolines-bus-pass-sadly-too-limited-goodbye-tour of the continent, I realised any thoughts of beginning in the middle, or even at the beginning, of the story as I was still living it, were not going to take place. And it occurred to me that meant that the story would be written as the next beginning would begin, and that this form was the vessel I had been awaiting for my story, as now the two cycles would be in parallel, unfolding together across dimensions of page and space and time…

And now, as my long anticipated ending was taking its shape around me, the next beginning made its first preview appearance!

While waiting to discover the ending of my story, I had also wondered what would happen when I got back home down under. Where would I be? Where would I live? What would I do with my time? Many questions raised their heads and I considered whether I should begin to make some choices and some plans. And I wondered many other kinds of things…

Could I hold strong all the lessons of my journey, in returning to the places of old familiar habits? Could I hold strong to my new ways, my new convictions, my new knowings? Would I feel as strongly all the connections created and felt within myself? And would I still feel all the connections to precious souls, beings and energies in the North? Would I feel the distance?

And I looked forward to many reunions, with family, friends, forests, and all the inhabitants of my land of home…

And I made one choice. I decided to bring my travelling mode of curiosity, of openness and interest to see what would happen next, the observer of the story, back to my life at home. And so I didn't worry about planning too much…

And then, in a fortuitous synchronicity of timing, just days before my scheduled return home, an email, and also a facebook post of a link by a friend, brought the first news of the opportunity that is now becoming my next adventure. Perfect, in so many ways, and such a fitting following to the story before…

And now, a whirlwind couple of months since I returned home, this adventure is beginning to take its own shape, and with a powerful coming together of energy, it is truly becoming…

Excitement, enthusiasm, confusion, energy, passion, action and many million thoughts all at once from all of us together. I feel the potential of this project is amazing and exciting!

So, before the beginning, or the beginning before the beginning, it seems this beginning is beginning. A new journey is taking shape. A journey this time in one place.

The first journey was a journey of travelling, a journey of learning and healing, of exploring, discovering and opening, a journey of inward seeking, and of outward seeking.

And in between the end, and this new beginning, I've had a time of reflection, absorbing all that went before, and at the same time, an incubation time, nurturing the seeds of what is to come. Remembering, reliving, reimagining, holding the treasures found, harvesting the fruits, the seeds from the story that went before; and spinning all the threads of that story, stringing them onto the loom, to create the space, the canvas, the next page, for the new story to take its shape as the next layer of the story, tying the two stories together as one, providing the space to weave the two stories together into one fabric still growing.

Intention leads attention, which leads action and also sensation, creating increased wondrousness of living each precious moment and discoveries of possibilities unfolding before your very eyes.

So now I embark upon this next journey, this journey in one place, a journey of sharing, of transforming, of growing, and, of course, a little bit of magic.

And on that note, may you find, in your life, at least a little bit of magic. If you look for it, and believe in it, you will find it. Everything is possible. And intention is the seed.